A Coca-Cola Christmas

Coca-Cola - "Holidays are Coming"

The Fox Kids promo in my last post got me to "thinkin' thinkin'" about other great Holiday commercials from that time in my life. I remember the December of 2nd grade, being picked up after school and having 55 cents in my pocket to use in the school pop* machine and getting a can of Coke with a big billowy picture of Santa on it. Now I've always been a big supporter of both Santa and bright lights, so this time of year is always good to me. The geniuses at Coca-Cola (and I say that with all sincerity, even as a loyal Pepsi drinker) decided to FINALLY bring these two together with this epic commercial:



I should point out that the urban legend about Coca-Cola creating the modern image of Santa is FALSE and if you believe it, you're an idiot. SOURCE: http://www.snopes.com/cokelore/santa.asp

Coca-Cola Polar Bears #1

This time also marked the launch of the popular seasonal Coca-Cola Polar Bear campaign. A marvel of computer animation and sheer adorableness, you had to think some CEO was salivating and rubbing his hands together knowing the goldmine he was sitting on. From the year that put Bill Clinton in the white house, here's the one that started it all:



BONUS BEAT: COKE DOMINATES

When I found the "Holidays are coming" commercial, I thought I had just misremembered the lyrics until I found THIS, the 1995 "Santa Packs are Coming" re-edit, where Coke FINALLY dethroned hot chocolate and kicked hot apple cider's holly jolly applebottom out of the top spot to crown itself "The ONLY REAL Holiday Refreshment." Christmas is about dominance!




*I attended Immaculate Conception School in Minnesota. It's pop.

Fox and Frost.

Season's Greetings again!

Due to the passing of UGK's Pimp C, one of my biggest influences as an artist, I took a day off of posting in observance and memorial.

But now we're back with some Christmas cheer!

FOX KIDS 1993 CHRISTMAS PROMO

Once "X-Men" debuted in 1992, I became loyal to the Fox Kids lineup. My afternoons and Saturday mornings were filled with mediocre-to-fucking awesome programming that had plenty of toy commercials, contests, and bumpers inbetween to keep me entertained even in lesser moments. Every Holiday season had some theme weekend that would include Holiday episodes of all the Fox Kids shows, and a otherwise unaired pilot of an undeveloped series that would play as a "Special." In this case, for the 1993 Season, it's some disturbing Troll singalong. Still, the commercial makes me really want to watch this block.



FOX NFL SUNDAY CHOIR

Not to be outdone by other Holiday programming on the network, here's the FOX NFL Sunday gang ruining Christmas. Terry Bradshaw does his best to look how he thinks conductors look while Howie Long plays the sleigh bells with the type of rhythm that could get him signed to anticon. This is a disturbing trainwreck. Enjoy!



JACK FROST - TRAILER

One of my favorite Holiday classics. Mutant killer snowman. You just have to watch it.

The 25 Days of Christmas (Days 1 & 2) - The Internet is for Christmas!

Greetings!

After an extended hiatus, I have returned for a special Holiday promotion. I think we all can agree that Christmas is the greatest and best time in the whole world (amirite?) and we all want to overload and celebrate it as much as possible. Therefore, each day (twice today since I had a holly-jolly headache last night) I will be posting a new Christmas themed video from YouTube. These videos will all be awesome and remind you why this is the best time of year that's not in the summer.

Let's begin:

Big Mouth - "X-Mas Rap"

I found this randomly on YouTube. The very "hot" and "of the moment" band Big Mouth appeared on the guy who raped Sarah Silverman's show, bringing with them the rare video that tries to be funny, fails, but somehow becomes funny in how horrible it is. "Real American" Rick "Rock and Roll Hoochie Koo" Derringer has an inexplicable cameo performing "Jingle Bells" in the middle of it, and the now dead Morton Downey Jr. appears as Santa.



Run-DMC "Christmas in Hollis" (complete version)

A song that each and every one of us knows, presented here in its uncut video form. Usually when this airs, the acting bits at the beginning and the middle are cut, leaving certain holes in the narrative. Thanks to youtube, here it is in all of its now 20-year-old glory. This Christmas I'm going to watch this on a loop while pretended "Run's House" doesn't exist.

BATTLE OF THE BEATS!

USA vs. AUSTRALIA

AMERICA's SLICK, SLEEK & SEXY ENTRY:




AUSTRALIA'S AVANT GARDE INTIMATE EXPLOSION:





THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!

Nas vs. Your High School Girlfriend

Inspired by soul-sides.com:

"I don't understand why we keep expecting anything good from Nas. The same shit just keeps happening over and over again. Nas is like a high schoool girlfriend that you associate all these good times with:




Then you go off to college and shit is still ok, but kind of weird:




Then you run into her during the holidays and it's great to see her:



So you decide to hang out and you're like "i don't even know this person"...





It keeps happening. Every few years you run into each other and you think there could still be some sparks there:




Because there was that one time you ran into each other at that bar had pretty good sex - even though it didn't quite have the same magic it once did, it was still good:




So you hang out again,



but it will just never be the same. At some point you just have to move on, and i think this is that point for me and Nasir."

So I thought that was a pretty dope assessment. BUT, it is missing a few moments with that ex-girlfriend. Such as:

When you had to hang out with the revolving door of her lame ass friends:



When you had to sit through the REALLY pretentious play she was in, and didn't have the heart to tell her what you really thought of it:



The time she did a song with Ginuwine:




These moments aside, if enough people whose word I trust told me my ex-girlfriend finally got all of the bullshit out of her system, and I had nothing else taking my money at the time, I'd probably give her another chance. Until then, I look back fondly when the world was mine, and not return to that solar system's rotation.

Hey Young World.

Mic check 1,2,1,2.

What's up internet? So, I've decided to start a Vlog (a video log), which is a word I only slightly despise more than Blog (a bullshit log) that will primarily focus on videos from the internet, and my corresponding thoughts (not necessarily in that order).

In an age where we have YouTube (God bless it) and other services where anyone with a computer can upload whatever they want regardless of copyright or social stature, I believe it's important to embrace and maximize this technology for the glorious tool that it truly is. With access to everyone within walking distance of a computer, this equal platformed new medium is the most important innovation to happen to communication and the free transfer of art and ideas since the original Napster.

Within the one year, YouTube has changed the way we use the internet. Whether it be politics, art, or just communication between ugly people, this innovation represents the best of what our human technology can achieve, as well as gives a glowing foreshadow into the future.

Sadly, as with any new technology, it has become an object of scorn from rich idiots. Assholes who exclusivly cater to the dumb, such as Vince McMahon and Lorne Michaels, have inexplicably gone out of there way to silence this voice that would otherwise act as both free promotion and direct communication from their audience. Look no further than last December's "Lazy Sunday," a playful sketch that got the flatlining "SNL" its most attention since the Ashlee Simpson incident, and its most popular intentional contribution to pop culture since Will Ferrel's departure almost five years ago.

The ratings don't lie. The clip, which became an internet phenominon as well as launch YouTube into the stratusphere, proved the power of this next-level word-of-mouth with a dramatic increase in the audience the following week. At a time where America had all but given up on the dreadfully dismal institution, the ball was once again in the shows court to regain a lost audience, but opted instead to kill whatever buzz was being generated and threaten YouTube, its potential saving grace, with legal action.

With the parallels here to be drawn between YouTube and the early incarnation of Napster, there forbodes a potential for this new technology to be stripped away from the corporations to fear it. Until that time comes, its important for us to take advantage of this new technology and use is for the free transmission of as much as we possibly can.

Please consider this whorehouse on the backroad of the information superhighway my contribution to enrich your life. So if you're a bitch, quit being a bitch, and enjoy my clips. Otherwise, please enjoy my clips and continue not being a bitch.

The 10 YouTube Commandments


Slick Rick - "Hey Young World"


Arsonists & Non-Phixion - "14 Years of Rap"



paz,
chaz